Saturday, August 20, 2011
One month old.
She is over 8 pounds now and is even starting to get a few little baby fat rolls on her legs. She had her real first smile; she looked right into my eyes and smiled. I don't like it when people see a little baby smile and say, "Oh, she must have gas." Why does it have to be gas, can't she just be smiling?
School has started and we are settling into a schedule again. It was nice to have the girls stay at grandma and gramdpa's for over 2 weeks; the house was so clean. We really did miss them and are glad they are back. Even with a messy house and all their drama.
I love to hold Ginny on my shoulder after she nurses and rock her. What is it about holding a little baby against you? Her feather-soft hair, her warm skin and her little sigh. It seems that everything else just melts away and you are so close to heaven. I still look into her eyes and see the signs of Downs. But my 5 year old says, " I love Ginny's eyes, they are so cute." She doesn't see Downs, she just sees her baby sister. There are time that I can see her as just Ginny, sometimes I even forget for a while about Down syndrome. I can see that I need to be more like my 5 year old, like a little child. It is a slow process but it is happening, slowly. I feel like this is my opportunity, my blessing, to re-learn why we are here on earth.
I have always know the "Sunday School" answer to this question but now I am learning it on another level. We are here to gain a physical body. It doesn't have to be a perfect body and He never said it would be a body without ailments or imperfections. We suffer pain that we might be more able to show compassion and empathy for others. We are also here, without a memory of our pre-earth life, to be tested and learn to serve God, serve those around us and to follow the path He set for us. He did not send us here to get the newest and coolest stuff, to look good is society's eyes and find success in the world's eyes. It is how we are seen through His eyes that really matters. We should be humble so we can accept that He knows more than we know. We should acknowledge His hand is all things and we will know we are not alone. We should know that He loves us enough to allow us to feel pain so that will ulimatly be for our good. He also send His Son into the world knowing that He would suffer and that He would be ridiculed unjustly. I am sorry if this is turning into a Sunday School lesson but these are things that I feel deeply and it is part of my journey that I am taking with Ginny. I think sharing my feelings also helps me really believe them.